A time comes to say goodbye

It is about time that I farewell to North Queensland, the place that has been my home for eight years. There are so many moments and memories that I will cherish fondly, for old times sake I'd like to name a few:

• Swimming in the pool with my neighborhood friends in our house in Pease Street everyday, many times a day in the summer of 2001
• Hiking up to Bahana Gorge with mum; jumping under the waterfall once we were so hot we thought we would die; eating cherries and crackers in the shade
• Going to Rusty's market every weekend, it was a chore but I will sure miss having it there
• Staying up with Mum and Fiona while they were 'on the piss'; dancing around to 'friends forever'; hearing the story of how they became friends for the 20th time; having loving D&M's till Fiona's eyes glaze over and it's time for bed
• Spending time in my ever changing sanctuary; changing the pictures on my walls as interests came and left
• Hearing Missy Higgins 'the sound of white' with the lights down low in Clarke Street; LOW in the cool echoing house in Woree, and the opening track to Stars album 'Set Yourself on Fire'
• Going to the ice skating rink with Rosie and climbing onto the train track just because
• Going to see Pete Murray at the Karanda Amplitheatre with mum; being surrounded by darkened rainforest whist he sang 'So Beautiful'
• The angry.broken.tearful challenge that was 2003 and the fact that we have moved on
• Escaping boarding school for the occassional weekend
• Working till 3am in the morning with Domino's crew, it was stressful sometimes, but had its moments
• Arguing about music during visual art; talking matter-of-factly about everything like we were far older than we were; contemplating the universe
  
• Laying on the sand looking at the stars at Shipton's Flat, not needing to say anything at all but understanding eachother
• Going shopping with Eadon for perfume; Escada all the way!
  
• Learning to crochet; spreading my creations all around the school; sitting under the blacklight at the disco crocheting with fluro wools
  
• Climbing over mountains to Cedar Bay; swimming in the ocean and having D&M's about all sorts of things; making our cedar wood hair pins- thankyou Toni for making the body of mine and thankyou Tamsyn for searching for it in the creek and successfully finding it; my treasure
• Starting my most successful and enjoyable friendship to date; "I like Ash... just because"
• Being a year 12 at MSB; to many things to mention
• Getting drunk for the first time at Giovanna's party; drinking brain hamoages; sitting on the roof thinking we were within safe landing distrance from the ground; dancing like noone was watching (but yes they definately were... with a video camera in hand)
• Graduating; getting the most important rose of all; hearing 'let your light shine for the last time'; getting dolled up and dancing the night away with Eadon and Ash; driving away from MSB for the very last time as a student
  
• Forgetting all that and having great times with my partner in crime Ash; clubbing, Kate Miller-Hiedke concert going; and all the other little things in between (simply laptoping is enjoyable when its with her)
• Singing on stage with Ash at the Clare Bowditch Concert
  
• Hand-painting with my baby brother
• Op-shopping with mum and hearing about all her latest ebay finds & sales
  
• Updating my painting class on my love life every Friday
  
• Magic tricks and car trips talking about all sorts of things with Lenny
• Daybreaking it before I say farewell to the people and places that I made up my life in Cairns

I will never forget the special moments that I had in this town. I shall return to visit of coarse, but I have so much more to see; so many more scenes in the movie that is my life to act out. And to the people I've left behind or are taking a different journey, you know if I have spent any time with you talking in any depth about your future, it is because I have faith in you and your ability to have everything you could ever want. I want for you, what you want for yourself just as much, if not more than I want my dreams to come true. I will be gunning for all of you. Thankyou for the memories Cairns xx.

Calendar Girl

If I am lost for a day; try and find me 

But if I don't come back, then I won't look behind me 

All of the things that I thought were so easy 

just got harder and harder each day 

Calendar girl whos in love with the world, Stay alive 

The pages keep turning, I'll mark off each day with a cross 

And I'll laugh about all that we've lost 

Calendar Girl who is lost to the world 

Stay Alive 

Calendar Girl who is lost to the world Stay Alive 

January,February,March,April,May I'm alive 

June,July,August,September,October I'm alive 

November,December, I'm alive 

I'm alive 

Right about now

So party people, it is all happening for me right now, applying for uni, finding a place to live in Brisvegas, having my artwork in the Cairns Regional Gallery, lovely people in my actually existing social life and a new home with a pool. What more could I ask for?  Its scary knowing that my biggest life decisions are before me right now, but with a little help from my friends and my ever growing independence I should get through it all. Cheers to the future xx.

Challenges of the Unknown

So what happens next? I have to start again, and truthfully I probably should have months ago now.  I have gotten too comfortable and I haven't been progressing in my work.  Just as some wonderful things have been happening for me- the markets and new persons in my life,  I have a setback.  Well isn't this familiar?  To be honest it is both liberating and scary, but hey it is just a page in my story.  Almost ready to turn a new chapter, and maybe even start a whole new book in the not so distant future xx.

"... not us though, we are POSITIVE people"

So far it seems, 2008 is not my year.  It is more of a stepping stone between one life goal and the next, a preparative year.  I have made many mistakes so far this year, many of which I am not proud of, but I hope that the second half of the year can be more predictive, more enjoyable and a better representation of who I am and who I hope to become.  Although I feel disappointed at how little I have achieved in the past 8 months, in a sense I have achieved more in this time than if I had done what I had wanted in 2007.  I now know how challenging life can be, the frustrations of living with other people, and being an adult in general.  What's more is I have learned the general direction I need to go with my life, pursuing a creative career, and a university degree that matches.  Although that was what my instinct was telling me all along, at least now I won't be second guessing myself and will put my whole heart into building a successful creative career for myself, rather than wondering what would have been if I settled down and attempted a normal job and a normal life for myself in Cairns.  Not to say that this year has been without any positives, as I have made some great friends, built upon existing ones and had some unforgettable times and more to come.  

So as for the remaining months of 2008, I will work my hardest to prepare solidly for 2009- the first year of the rest of my life xx.

A Manifesto by Florence Broadhurst

written at fifteen years old

I shall do great things.  My name shall not be lauded but in my way I shall do great things.  I shall not let personal ambition and greed grip my soul in its hungry hands.  I will not let my youth slip away without laughter and the joy of living making my face bright and my will strong.  I will not be evil; neither shall I speak of evil to others.  I will not judge, for no man is worthy enough to judge his neighbour.  I will grasp the goodness and the beauty of life, and throw away the ugliness and bitterness.  I will turn my face to the light; yet remember the darkness that lies behind and around me.  I will not blame others for my many sorrows and defeats, for man has but himself to blame for failure.  Yes, I will fail and in failing I will try again, I will fall and in falling, climb.  Yes, I will be selfish, for ultimately I will gratify and bring happiness to myself by giving it away in large measurements to others...

 No real happiness can come to him who keeps his happiness to himself and does not share it with the whole world.  Sympathy, sorrow, joy, yes, even anger will be my lot and I will thank God that I have the depth to feel these things.  I will thank Him for the glorious beauty of the world at sunset, for the unbeatable sweetness of song.  For the million, billion things which lie in wait for us every hour of the day, to please our sight and fill our eyes with perfection.  I shall envy no man, for the things which are precious and everlasting can be found in our own heart. Yes, with the help of God, and with no other mortal ever to know … I shall do great things.   

 

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

It is apparent that before I show you where I am going with my creative pursuits I must show you where I have been and what I have done in the past.  This will include showing you the artworks that I have done in the past both that I am proud of and am highly critical of and the mindset I was in when I created them.  I will also show you my current inspirations and creations and what I plan on doing in the future. I have a great range of things that I create from paintings to plushy toys to lomography photos and even to handcrafted jewelry and hope to develop my ideas further and hopefully into a label and one day be able to live off of my creative products.  At the present time there is a lot going on in my life but hopefully before too long I will be able to indulge in creative thought and production and begin selling items more seriously.  This isn't going to be an easy road upward but though my innate passion I will succeed in making my dreams a reality xx. 

A New Start

In this current week I have come face to face with all my fears of myself and realized that I have a lot to change and a lot of growing to do if I am to achieve my goal of a happy and creative life for myself. I think one of the major reasons for my all the pieces of the puzzle that is my life not fitting together correctly is that my inner core, that is my passion for art and all that is creative had been suppressed. I had given up on the dream of 'making it', at least for the meantime, despite all arrows pointing in that direction, including winning the national young artist of the year in the painting category and getting my art published in Frankie just last year. It started young too, when I won the best art student of year one at 5! I apologize for tooting my own horn but there is a purpose here. So my desires to build a career out of my creative pursuits has been regained and this blog will track my progress and setbacks, and one day if I am successful (and have admirers- gosh it makes me gasp just to consider the concept) you can read this and know it is possible for you too. It wont be an easy road ahead; I will mould and lay down the golden bricks myself if I have to so I can hike (and skip with my Dorithy shoes along the flat ground) to somewhere nice and hopefully make some new friends along the way xx.